Next MINI to Feature Flexible Plastic Body (posted April 1st!)

Sections: MF Feature Apr 1st, 2005 44 Comments

We just got word from a source that MINI has not only decided to use clip-on, removable roofs but entire removable hoods, fenders, and doors. Because of this the next MINI’s exterior panels will be made entirely out of flexible plastic. An unnamed inside source gave us this explanation:

“This will allow MINI owners to change the look of their car every ten minutes! That way we won’t have to be bothered with last second changes as the car’s going into production.”

“And the best part is that it also deals with those new pedestrian safety standards. In fact we’ve found that the new flexibie hood gives us great pedestrian crash results. For instance the last test just a few days ago we saw the dummy not only bounce off the car, but fly through the air in a manner that can only be described as graceful. We’re hoping to tune the hood’s tension to get at least 50ft out of the dummy next time.”

The downside to all of this is that MINI is having quite a few problems with the panels warping and discoloring after a few months of use. However I’m told that MINI engineers feel “the average owner doesn’t care enough about their MINI to even notice such things”.

When I pushed further and asked this source what else we’ll see with the next generation car he just said one word: “Plastics”.

Written By: Gabe

Absorbine_Sr

Hmmmm…now where’s that calendar…. : )

A_Sr.
Matt Korr

If that was true the world would end.
http://www.acsu.buffalo.edu/~empson Jack07734

Geee What a SMART Idea.

Cheers, Jack
mdgrrl

Hmm… some sort of an April Fool’s joke?
Paul!

Hmm… would make for some interesting color combos, no?
MINI MAN

Do you think they will be Retrofit able??
cct1

Hey, that’s a great idea–it would allow you to have a clear plastic mini, which would show off the new 3 cylinder ethanol hybrid power plant fantastically!
scott

SWEET! that could make it easier for those who are debating on what color to get – just get different parts in the colors you like! :)
GSKChicago

April Fool’s, huh?
Ryan Kime

Sweet! Maroon body with Neon Yellow bumpers here I come!!!
RB

RANT 1……………………………………………..

I think the Euro ped laws are a crock…I see it as useful as the safety warnings on 5 gal buckets. Why not just put some pudd’n padding around cars make them only go 5mph install large flashing red lights on top and sirens and make all drivers have to stop, at least, 50 yards from anyone even thinking about crossing a street.

What is it with this passion, by some, to make the world a safer place for imbeciles?

RANT 2………………………………………………..

“the average owner doesn’t care enough about their MINI to even notice such things”…………………..HUH?!

What are they smoking over there?

Wow that was cleansing. I feel better now! On with the day……
JD

Wonderful news. You failed to mention that the fuel injection system will be replaced by the fabled 100-mpg carburator. A convertor is provided to process used MINI bodies into high-test gasoline; new parts are extruded from the exhaust. Unfortunately, Quality control has so far been unable to produce the owner’s desired color. Everything seems to come out in a dingy khaki.
Kurt

good one gabe… you had me going for about 10 sec before I reached near the bottom paragraph…
K-M

I heard BMW’s new FC technology will be making it’s way into the next MINI finally…

you know…the one about the Flux Capacitor…

Also be on the look out for SFC…

Spontaneous Flight Capability.

RB…check your calendar…

Cheers,

K-M
cct1

A little disappointed in the dummy output though. Only 50 feet? With a couple of mods–ECU, exhaust, ditching the run flats, etc. you should be able to get at least 52 feet. If Mini can’t get it together and get more length on the dummy flight, I’m going to ditch if for something that can give the dummy better lift–maybe a Skoda or something like that.
http://www.jwardell.com/mini/ Josh Wardell

Honda Element here we come! Tupperware comes in difference sizes too.
TJKonarski

Totally an April Fool’s joke. There’s no way this is true.
michael Boice

Wow…sure am hoping those Brits know about April fools???

Michael
Bob

Oh its true alright. I heard it from a guy who knows someone who’s friend use to work at MINI 5 years ago.

Nice scoop Gabe.

Bob
05DSMCS

I get it…
phaedrus

Don’t forget, Gabe, about the many other parts of the next generation MINI that are to be made from HEMP — including the new pyramidal filter (currently being tested for use in the air intake that has been moved to the a-pillar).

For the high net-worth MINI owners, BMW will be introducing a new Liberace-line interior, which will include (hemp-based) synthetic emeralds, rubies, and rhinestones on top of a gold-plated dashboard.
Tom

Well – let me just say, I know someone that has a Saturn Ion and those body panels are crappy when shutting a door. It is like kicking a bunch of empty milk jugs around – not solid at all – YUCK. Plus I do look down the side of my MINI after washing and waving – if one panel or part was warped, I would flip my lid! That is not the wat to go – in fact I hear Saturn is getting away from those plastic panels because they have so many issues with complaints from customers about down-the-road fit and finish! I’ll keep my 2003 MINI!
ScottinBend

You know what’s even funnier…….

reading all the posts from the folks who don’t read the post before posting their own post !

Good one Gabe !
Milwaukee Liar

Gabe, you fox,

Where do you get these April 1st scoops?

Michael
RB

CK calendar yup, I should have.

Gabe ya got me! I hope. Come on boy Fess up.

But it still felt good going off. I can’t yell at my clients so this will have to do.
MCH

They should use the same plastic that is used when manufacturing “Cozy Coup” It is almost indestructible.
Steve

Gabe, you forgot to mention who has been pushing this plan — Chris (the Devil) Bangle!

I’m just glad his other goal of replacing the steering wheel with a huge i-drive knob hasn’t come to fruition yet.
http://www.bancroftsonline.com Sean Bancroft

This is just sick. Not even funny. Really. I mean it.
Josh

Happy April Fools! Does this go with the 2nd reverse gear from last year?
beken

Yah…happy April Fool’s day. This one caught my attention initially though because my other car has plastic panels and the panels do NOT warp and after 20 years, still has its original paint.

I think I’ll link this article to the Pontiac Fiero clubs…. ; )
johnsocal

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nfo

is there going to be a TENT OPTION too? :)
cct1

Wow, they introduced a second reverse gear last year? Can it be retrofitted? Is it faster or slower? When I get up to 4000 RPMS in reverse, I’d like to be able to shift to a higher gear to cruise in.
mike

now, if bmw would just come out and tell us that the new 3 series was an april fool’s joke.
john

I heard that BMW decided to make the next MINI look and drive more like the East German Trabant. The idea of molded plastic panels seem to make sense.
simon english

Bloody Silly stuff..no chance that’s true! come on guys there is quality control and warranty issue’s involved ! And Mike saying anything about the new 3 series is plain stupid ,it’s a perfect mix of the old body styling and the new BMW image, there is no pleasing some people…go buy a Audi ( AKA a higher priced VW for a BMW wanna be driver).
http://motoringfile.com Gabe

Zang! I agree on that 3er comment Simon – I love it!
http://motoringfile.com Gabe

Oh btw – happy April 1st everyone!!!!
http://users.adelphia.net/~rocketboy/index.html Rocketboy

The MINI-Saturn merger sounds like it’s getting more and more real… :)
Miniac1

If the source quoted was AutoExpress, there full of it!
05DSMCS

Good one, nfo. Always take advantage of an opportunity to slam the Pontiac Aztek!
Chris M

Good one, Gabe! Next time do an April Fool’s article about how the taillights will be changed in some bizarre way–you’ll get 10 times the anguished comments then! :-)
http://www.teammightyminiz.com iDiaz

Aw, I was about to start singing the praises of weight reduction when I realized the original post was on April 1!

Reinforce that plastic with some carbon and we’re in business!
eeemar

I lived in germany and VW has a car called polo and some came with like all diffrent colors hehe funy shit one fender is yellow the other one green and mix and match and so onnnn..

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