Jeremy Clarkson Critiques the Clubman

Sections: In the Press | R55 (Clubman) Dec 23rd, 2007 37 Comments

Perhaps the most outspoken mouth-piece of the British automotive press has had his week in a Clubman and the results aren’t pretty:

Unfortunately, after a week, I have decided it’s one of the worst cars in the world. About as desirable as a packet of dung or a can of worms. Truthfully? I’d rather have a goat.

While it’s true that this is a man who writes more of an op-ed piece than real review, he does have some legitimate gripes:

The first problem is the single rear passenger door. It’s on the right-hand side of the car, which is fine if you live in Germany or America, where everyone drives on the wrong side of the road – pull up at the kerb and your kids get out onto the pavement. But here in Britain, where we do things properly, your kids are forced to get out into the traffic.

Then there’s the boot. Yes, access is good, and yes, you get 100 more litres of space than you do in the normal Mini. But it’s still pretty small. As that September review pointed out, the boot in a Honda Jazz is 100 litres bigger.

Furthermore, you can see out of the back of a Honda Jazz. You can see out of the back of most cars, in fact. Seeing out of the back is jolly useful and is one of the reasons the Lamborghini Countach was not a big seller. But you can’t see out of the back of a Mini Clubman. Glance in the rear-view mirror and all you can see is the pillar where the two doors meet.

Interestingly this all comes from the same man who loves the new MINI Coupe (R56):

I should make it plain from the outset that I like the normal Mini. I think that although it has a wheelbase longer than the Land Rover Defender, and therefore isn’t mini at all, it has a lot of charm and so many natty design features, you really don’t care that the back is suitable only for Anne Boleyn and that the boot couldn’t handle even half a king charles spaniel.

I was therefore expecting great things from the Clubman. Because here is a car that offers all of the Mini’s edge-thin, Conran-cute design stuff in a package that doesn’t force you to amputate your passengers’ extremities.

At the end of the day we love Clarkson like a crazy uncle. After all this is a man who hates the canonized Porsche 911 and famously mentioned that a BMWs GPS seemed to only point towards Poland. You know that 2/3rds of what he says is rubbish and he seems to only care about making esoteric critiques that no one else has thought of. But damn if that other 1/3rd doesn’t make sense while being funny as hell.

You can read the entire review below:

[ Mini Cooper S Clubman ] Times of London

Written By: Gabe

Dan C.

Hate to say it, but he does have a point. This car is a real disappointment, particularly when there are compelling 5-doors on the market in the GTI and Mazdaspeed3, for less money even. I’d like to continue my relationship with MINI, but I’m afraid the competition has passed them by.
c4

Mr. Clarkson has been one of the most outspoken critics of BMW in the last 10 years. he has made no secret of his contempt for Chris Bangle’s design work and how cars, like the 3-series, become larger and heavier with each passing generation.

His pointed criticism has made him “Persona non-grata” at BMW. While the show Top gear was still in the air, BMW threatened not to supply Mr. Clarkson with any further BMW test vehicles if his perceived bashing was to continue. This guy has clearly positioned himself as one of the most prominent nemesis of the marque.

However, Clarkson was very complementary of the 1st gen MINI and he seems to like the R56 as well. I tend to agree with his criticism of the R55, but I am sure his latest critique of one of BMW’s most important products for the upcoming year, will not be received with open arms in both Munich and Oxford.

So far, the Clubman appears to be done very well in the UK home market. But it remains to be seen if the quirkiness of the car as well as novelty will be enough to keep sales and interest for the car in years to come.
Max

Anybody watch the latest Top Gear episode?

The MINI Clubman was chosen as Top Gear’s most ugliest car of the year in the latest episode of Top Gear.

Jeremy Clarkson: “This is the award for the most ugliest car of the year. The nomiations are…there is no point is there, it’s the MINI Clubman.”

Brutal but it was funny the way they presented it.
Jon

I can’t wait until he has the opportunity to drive the R60. One thing to take in mind about Clarkson is that he writes aggressive and humorous reviews often. I believe that he did point out one of my personal issues with the Clubman, the view out the back window to me is a little less than ideal. I however think most of his article is just a rant.
mike

Max: Where did you see it? In the States? Online?
Aussom

Stating the obvious – personally (probably like most MINI enthusiasts) I’m waiting to drive the Clubman myself before relying on any review comments to influence purchase consideration an will keep an open mind about MINIs upcoming future models.
MeanMrMstrd

I think your review of Clarkson is rubbish! Clarkson is right on with this review where as some other reviewers seem to be tainted by the need for acceptance by a certain manufacturer. BMW F’d up with this one, period!
nuvolari

Not only did the Clubman win Ugliest Car of 2007 on Top Gear, but it sounded as if it was strongly in the running for Worst Car as well. Hammond and May at least pretended they were aligned with Clarkson’s anti-Clubman position. Best part of the show: The Stig lapping a pricate track in Spain in Fittipaldi’s 72 F1 Champion Lotus. Awesome!
Max

Max: Where did you see it? In the States? Online?

I saw it online. Check out http://www.finalgear.com

The Clubman was also nominated for the worst car of the year.

Clarkson: “This is the award for the worst car of the year award. And the nominations…actually it’s the MINI Clubman isn’t it.”

But the award actually went to some tiny electric car called the Gee Wiz.
Motoring Advisor

It’s just an opinion. People will love it. People will hate it. I love Jeremy Clarkson’s reveiws. Whether I agree with him or not, he writes one hell of an entertaining article.
http://www.coopergear.com Blake

I think that the review was very good meaning entertaining. I think that MANY people will reserve judgement until they see, sit in and test drive this car. I think that some of his points were valid and no matter what he says there will always be someone saying he is rubbish.

Will I stop watching TopGear because he slammed a MINI? Nope. Will I test drive it when it is here in the states? Yes. Will I buy one? Most likely nope, I am getting an R52 next.
nuvolari

I think Clarkson’s point is that, for a car brand with such a brillian start in the R50/53 coupe, the Clubman is a real disappointment. The Cabrio is perhaps forgivable and the R56 just barely good enough, but the Clubman is an uncreative, diluted variation on the MINI theme with no clear redeeming qualities.
Evan

Yet another brilliant review from Jezza!
Timothy

I wonder what Clarkson will think about the MINI SUV. Good for him.
C4

I think Jezza is simply brilliant! I honestly don’t care if he hates the car I am about to purchase. I highly respect the man and find his reviews both entertaining and a fresh breeze of air when it comes to razor sharp praise and criticism. Brutal car reviews are sorely lacking in auto journalism IMHO.

I think this last shot at a BMW product will solidify his stance as a BMW hater. But I have not given up on him, not just yet.

Read between the lines… The man loves to get a raise out of people…That’s what has made him famous… Including his bad choice of the problematic Ford GT he had a few years back.
http://mini2.co.za Timmee

He is very funny and above all, entertaining. He has his own opinions and is able to express them in his inimitable way.

He’s everybody’s favourite crazy uncle.

Will sales suffer because Clarkson dislikes the car? I doubt it.
Bwana Yak

His review is amusing, but the rear window visibility issue is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. Much as I like the double-door design of the Clubman, I hope they do something different with the SAV and perhaps redesign the Clubman as well to eliminate the huge blind spot in the rear-wiew mirror. One idea might be to make the rear window one solid piece that hinges upwards while the doors below it open as they do now in the Clubman. Not only would this eliminate the blind spot, but it would also offer some rain protection for the rear floor when the rear doors are open.
Scottinbend

Sorry gabe but he seems to be on the money.
http://www.motoringfile.com/ Gabe

Scott – you don’t need to be sorry. For one I really could care less if someone doesn’t like the Clubman. Secondly, if that was the conclusion you reached after reading my comments in the article, you may want to take another pass.
Vanwall

I think the rear-view issue is overdone…a lot. One learns to use the mirrors one has, or not. I drove a ‘Burb for years with the barn doors and after the short, and non-destructive, learning curve, it was no prob. The original VW Type II delivery van, with a rear window the size of a slice of Rainbow bread and side mirrors about as big as quarter, was the real blind-spot king, and I’m sure the Clubman doesn’t even come close to that.
tsukiji

Ya gotta love Clarkson’s candor…+1
Saperstein

What a refreshing breath of unadulerated truth.
Craig

Clarkson is known for having very strong opinions about everything automotive. He has no inhibitions about fully expressing his opinion. He also loves to stir up controversy.

The Clubman will fly out of the showrooms regardless.
GregW

He is absolutely on the money about the suicide door which people in LHD markets seem to overlook as it suits their own markets. Love him or hate him, Clarkson’s show gets watched by millions of people worldwide. Some even agree with what he says and take note of his critical points. This can even affect a percentage of propective buyers. He sure does dislike BMW and someone may know the reason.
Aurel

I don’t know, but this review realy sounds like more of a personal grudge. The points he brings up are the same as other reviewers have (rearview visibility, suicide door, blah blah) … his horrendous torque steer claim is the first I heard of the Clubman … the R56 certainly seems to exhibit the same issues.

Anyway, amusing review, but he really sounds more like a crying baby in it.
Paul

I had the unfortunate event of having the clubman as a loaner yesterday. Most of the things that JC states are true. The storage is next to useless and has no redeeming qualities over a larger vehicle more suited to carrying the shopping/family pets. The suicide door, albeit on the wrong side for the UK market, fails to impress as much more than a publicity stunt. Access is very narrow, failing to allow enough room for even the smallest of folk room to the rear seating. Again, the seatbelt point gets in the way of anyone intending to be seated in the rear; with its anchor point held on the door itself. Rear view was very average and compared to a van; where it was favourable to use the side mirrors instead. The car did have its good points compared to the earlier cooper models but as a whole failed to impress. I drove the diesel version which didn’t help as i’m a true petrolhead. I can’t say that I’m struck on the styling either (just my opinion of course). If I was to buy a vehicle to transport more goods; I have to say that the clubman would not be on my list of desirables!
Ron

I kinda lean towards believing that the visiblity issues are overblown. I have to believe it has better visibility than the cabrio, and as a cabrio owner, it’s something you live with and it’s not really a big deal if you have any common sense about you while driving.

But overall I agree – the Clubman is a stupid car, too full of gimmicks and cues from past MINIs that most people don’t get or care about. For me it just reduces the respectability of the brand.
c4

If you think the Clubman is stupid, then perhaps the whole MINI thing is also stupid. After all these cars are full of gimmicks and cues from past MINIs that apparently some people like and care about. :)
pete

Clarkson’s critique is plain common sense. I have found a lot of Mini fans tip toeing around and are not willing to say anything negative about the beloved car, even if they are the true. Poor rear view visibility is poor design and poor ergonomics–true and simple. But if you like the car well enough, well, it doesn’t matter. So, it all depends on your personal priority. It is one thing to say that “I like MINI despite its shortcomings.” It is another to criticize Clarkson’s negative, but ture, views as “rubbish”.
c4

A lot of cars have rear poor visiility. Is that bad design also? I think the whole ruckus about the Clubman is the center pillar post when both rear doors are closed.
O(=^=)OCapn

why do they call him Jezza?
TSizemore3

Although extremely witty and possessing that legendary bone-dry British sense of humor, Clarkson can often come off as pompous and acerbic. Part of it may stem from his particular view of the world, apparently one prevalent prior to the end of the British Empire, but I suspect a good bit of it may be simply calculated to generate controversy and attention. If this were not the case, then after watching several episodes of Top Gear one would most likely conclude that these guys really don’t like cars much.

I tend to consider Top Gear more as an automotive themed entertainment program with its tongue stuck firmly in cheek, than anything resembling serious automotive news. That said, I still enjoy watching the program even though I haven’t quite forgiven them yet for sending the rocket-powered classic Mini down the ski jump.
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GregW

Jezza – is a shortened slang for Jeremy. Also Bazza for Barry, Shazza for Sharon, most commonly used in Australia. Why? Who knows? Also they add “ie” after a name – Clark becomes Clarkie. Some form of endearment I guess. Or maybe they can’t cope with “R”.
john mcilroy

This guy bought a Ford GT40 ,that speaks volumes for his car taste.
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Maxwell Schuler

It’s like a Marmite car, love it or hate it. It’s my favorite car!

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